life update • the lessons i've learned over the last year

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Life has a funny way of showing you that regardless of how much you think you control, it will always find a way to surprise you. Over this past year, I can’t even believe the life changes that we’ve gone through. We’ve had to face a lot of our fears to enter into the next journey of our life, and be able to embrace all the changes with a strong mindset. So, here it is. My recap.

A year ago, I was in the most limbo state of my life. I was living in the United Kingdom, my visa extension was pending and it was uncertain if I was I was going to be living there or back in my home country (USA) within the next couple months. If you’ve never dealt with the Home Office, I can promise you, it’s not fun. It’s a very difficult and confusing process, and I dealt with the second part of my visa entirely on my own with no immigration lawyers. I will say, I was proud of myself for that. I had to learn all the laws and regulations for immigration, and after dealing with them with a lawyer previously, I figured it was best I gave it my best shot. That, and the fact that any lawyer is insanely expensive.

I was petrified. Although at this point, I had lived in the United Kingdom for nearly 5 years, it still was a country I was learning. However, I was becoming stronger and more cultured even after 5 years. 5 years without my family, without my familiar friends, without any familiarity. It was a lesson, a big lesson. It taught me how to become my own person, how to be true to myself, but also to appreciate my family, my friends and my familiarity. I grew a little life over in England, my own circle of friends which felt like my own little family. I will always appreciate them, and love them dearly for all the memories we cherished.

I always had a desire to leave the place I grew up knowing as home, and in the end, it’s all I could think about. I love to travel, but man, I just missed being by the ocean. I always said I would be a fish out of water away from it, and I felt that way. I felt like I was losing more and more oxygen away from it.

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One of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned this year, was to face my fears. There were certain situations in my life I was afraid to deal with. I was afraid of what the outcome would be, and I hid away from the truth in many aspects. My heart would be pulled one way, and my worry would kick my heart right to the curb. The reality is, I have a good heart. The more I trust in my heart, the better decisions I make. The moment fear comes into play, I think too much and interfere with what my heart is really saying. I would rather be a kind person, an understanding person, a trusting person. I would rather always have my arms open, and show people what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. I strive to be the person I need in others. I began putting myself in other peoples shoes, and acting upon what they would need. Patience, understanding, respect, forgiveness and kindness. I also had to give that same respect to myself, be patient, understanding, forgive and be kind to myself for all the things I had been so worried over the last couple years.

The moment I changed that attitude in my life, my life evolved for the better. I was putting positive energy out there, that was sending it right back into my life. I dealt with one of the biggest situations in my life, that had weighed on my heart heavily for years. I faced it, I dealt with it with an open and loving heart, and the outcome was far different than I could of ever envisioned or expected. That is something I will one day speak about, but when it’s the right time. All I can say, is that I’m truly happy. I feel like there was a hole in my life, and for years I had been trying to fill this hole. I had been trying to find that missing part, and it was really in the last place I would expected it to be. At the same time, it was also exactly where it was supposed to be. I just wouldn’t look in that direction, because of fear.

If you are afraid of something, hiding from something, face it. Head on, and deal with it with the kindness in your heart to find the best solution.

The next life lesson, there is no slowing time down. Although our lives have been a total change the last year, between moving from the United Kingdom to the United States, going to New York, and then Florida, we had always had the same routine. We had a very simple life, but it felt like our lives hadn’t changed in our little circle for years. This year has been the year of change for us! Leoh started Kindergarten, he has become friends with all the neighborhood kids, he joined the soccer team. Hudson is nearly fully potty trained, he sleeps better (most of the time), he’s speaking even more and become the most independent little man. I can’t even believe the little men that they have become, they aren’t my little babies anymore. Nothing really prepares you with how quickly that happens. You think that time goes by so slow when they are newborns, and then you blink. All of a sudden, they are telling you jokes that actually make you laugh, they outsmart you, they roll their eyes at you.

Another lesson, do not change yourself for others. For years, I battled with this. I would take peoples opinions of myself, and change myself or my decisions according to what they wanted me to be or do. I dealt with a very difficult part of this, and I’ve had to walk away from people because they were bringing out the worst version of me. I was making decisions that I normally wouldn’t make, and I just wasn’t me. You’ve got to learn your worth, and understand who YOU are. No one else can tell you that. A lot of my gut had been telling me where I needed to be, and who I’ve needed to be this year, and while it was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with, I followed my gut. And honestly, I’m glad I did.

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The last life lesson I will write on is love the life you are living. Find time for yourself, find a way or avenue to really learn more about you. I recently have been trying to take more photographs of myself and the boys, I have dedicated to learn my style and fashion sense again, to begin writing again. To focus on all my creative abilities, and be able to see more into who I am.

It’s been truly amazing, and I feel more of myself than ever. I recently had a health scare, where I truly was concerned something severe was wrong with me. The moment I figured out what it really was (or at least I think so far), I felt alive again. I appreciated every “healthy” moment I had, and I felt like I wanted to take more advantage of it by appreciating life. Being a dedicated loving parent, always strive to be healthy, to enjoy the simple things in life, to be a good friend, partner, or family member.

I felt like I could not breathe for over a month. It was the scariest month (and a couple weeks) of maybe my life, for just how long it was taking to get a resolution. It was every single day. It effected me as a person, and as a parent. I just wanted to live my life, I wanted to feel any close to normal as possible. It tore me apart, physically and mentally. I was throwing up in the end, I could barely eat anything, I was exhausted and felt I was on the verge of a heart attack. The moment all the symptoms went away, it felt like I hadn’t been close to normal in over a year. I felt like I took a gasp of air, and was just high on life over how good it felt.

Love the life you live. Accept the changes, changes are good. Face your deepest fears. Be yourself. Love even harder. Just only a couple of the lessons life has handed me this year.

I’m going to be focusing on writing as much as possible, as well as get back to my vlogs. What is stuff that you guys would like me to talk about? Comment below!

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